My father once told me that life is a simple thing. Decide where you need to go and start walking. You will know when you get there, he said, and in the meantime, do not waste time looking back. I have lived by his words my whole life, until today. Now, I find myself reflecting on the recent days and events that seem beyond comprehension. Events that I knowingly pursued thinking I was in control of them, but in fact, they controlled me. How could that be? How did I come to be on this orb; this giant blue orb that has danced in my thoughts for as long as I can remember only to now feed mercilessly upon my judgment? I do not want to have this conversation. The knot in my head tightens.

    If not for the soothing sound of the water slipping down its rocky path I think my head would surely explode. And my brother would not be here to see it. He, along with my father, is back home amidst the faint stars that appear before me now. I wish I could reach them, climb onto the back of my Wing and fly back to where I belong; back up into the stars. That is where I need to go and I want so much to start walking. But I can’t. I am here with no means of escape and very much exhausted.

    I cannot recall my legs ever feeling as weak as they do right now and I have only walked for part of the morning. When I was younger, I could hike all day surrendering to my bed only at my father’s command. Now, with only a few hours behind me, I have to rest. Perhaps the large, welcoming tree offering its shade has triggered my need. It does look a lot like many of the trees that surround my house back home with its glistening red, star shaped leaves and fat, grayish trunk. Looking up, it appears to stretch deep into the sky almost far enough to climb back home. Alas, that is the vision of a naïve boy who is gone now. The man that remains must face the truth that there is only rest within its branches and that the roots oozing from it base can only provide a temporary sanctuary to lay my head and gather my thoughts.

    How did I get here? I guess one could say it was cause and effect. My journey to this moment is the result of a series of moments that each had their own allure, their own promise. It was like a game of connect the stars in the midnight sky with millions of different possibilities; a wondrous adventure in every combination with no two exactly alike. What forces have delivered such insightfulness? I’m not sure I like it.

    Some time ago, I wouldn’t have given such intellectual fodder even a passing thought. That was left to the Thinkers. The Thinkers pondered everything down to the smallest detail and that was fine by me. I was happiest when I was knee deep in the things I could actually see and touch. Life was simple back then. I worked our farm as my father had, and his father before him. We raised Wings, very large, but graceful creatures that provided us the means to travel great distances. Wings could rise above the land with one of us in their hollowed backs and fly for many days. When I was very young my father would tell me how the Wings enjoyed carrying us about. It gave them joy and purpose. My father told me many things in those days. Following him around gave me joy and purpose.

    In those years of my youth, the Thinkers had concluded that our world would not support us for much longer and therefore we needed to venture out into the stars to find new lands to harvest. I can’t recall them saying how much longer we had or exactly how they had come to such a conclusion. More than likely, they explained it all back then but I did not listen. I did not listen much back in the beginning of it all, a skill I have decided to improve upon.

    For as long as I can remember the Thinkers had been in charge of the Family and we all followed them. I do not know why that came to be, though that does not surprise me, but I wish I did. It might help explain some things. The Thinkers had a big hand in all left to me now, all left to the Family. The decisions of their time have lead to the decisions I face in the here and now; decisions that only I can make. Now I am the sole remaining man of the Family. Through a strange and horrific calamity, I have inherited their role. The Thinkers would laugh if they knew, but then again, maybe not, a sense of humor is as foreign to them as this place is to me. I can still recall seeing them meandering through the crowds during the Great Celebration with their usual pensive look. As always, they appeared to be on the outside looking in. Saying very little, but watching everyone with great curiosity.

    Am I really one of them now? I do not know if I can be like that, distant and peculiar. I do not know if I can place the Family upon my shoulders and carry them to our destiny, whatever that may be. I have not the Knowledge and little else to begin with beyond the water of this stream and the shade of this tree. If only my father were here to help me sort out this most perplexing riddle it might halt the throbbing in my head.

    Still, these questions tear at the back of my eyelids, unyielding, pulling me deeper into dark thoughts I do not want to have. I need to remember my father’s words, the lessons he taught me; to pull his faint voice from my shaken memory and let it drowned out all else. He will make it all clear just as he promised; I must believe that and try to remember.